Rules for Daisy to Live by
Below is a list that I made my cat sign by putting her paw print on it.
- A new flea collar is not an excuse for a six-hour sulk. If Mommy thinks that neon pink with rhinestones is "my" color, I will wear it proudly, even though she usually gets me a nice mild cornflower blue color.
- Even though I don't like it when my Mommy is on the telephone, it is rude for me to put my paw on her mouth to get her to be quiet.
- Mommy does not find it funny when my sister and I are sliding across the freshly waxed floor and crashing into the closed bedroom door at 3:00 a.m., and I should not do that.
- I am a cat, not a groundhog. I do not need to burrow under the blankies and attack my Mommy's legs. Or worse yet, make a moving target for my sister to attack under the blanket causing one of us to dig our nails into Mommy's butt.
- I am not a big-horned sheep. I do not need to harm anyone or knock food out of their hands in the process of head butting.
- I am not required to shed the newspaper to save my Mommy from it.
- I do not necessarily have to be on the other side of a closed door, especially if I was just there.
- I do not desperately need to be somewhere else in the house right this instance. Running full speed through the house will only cause me to run into things and make it likely that I will knock something over. Whatever is in the other room will wait thirty seconds for me to get there.
- I have no reason to do the high jump every time someone speaks to me or tries to pet me.
- I should not reach out and grab my Mommy's foot from under the bed, especially when she is home alone. She screams REALLY loud.
- I will learn that when I do not respond to my name when I am called, that I am running the risk of being locked out of the house. My Mommy is a good person and makes sure I have food and water so I won't be traumatized into thinking I am a stray once again. I do not have to put on a royally miffed attitude when she finally comes home.
- I will not "wall surf" if my Mommy is not paying enough attention to me.
- I will not act like it is the end of the world because someone touched my food dish.
- I will not bat loose change, glasses, alarm clocks, etc. from the top of the headboard onto my Mommy's head to get her to wake up.
- I will not crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.
- I will not do my famous high-wire act across the curtain rods.
- I will not do anything (else) that warrants having the police called on me.
- I will not drag dirty socks out of the laundry basket and bury them in the litter box.
- I will not drool on my Mommy's friends.
- I will not drop my catnip mouse into my Mommy's mouth because she's snoring.
- I will not hook a claw into Mommy's nostril to wake her up on the weekends.
- I will not lick the glue off of all the envelopes I can find.
- I will not lick Mommy's armpits while she is sleeping.
- I will not puff my entire body to twice it's size for no reason after Mommy's just finished a horror movie.
- I will not sit on top of the refrigerator and swat people on the head when they walk by.
- I will not sniff at Daddy's feet after he takes his shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts to compare odors. Mommy might find it amusing, but Daddy does not appreciate it, especially in front of company.
- I will not stare at the door for ten minutes, then refuse to go out because the weather is not what I wanted it to be. I also understand that the weather will be the same at the back door.
- If Mommy puts a paper sack on the floor for me to play with, I will NOT pee on it when it gets stomped flat.
- It's not nice to walk on the back of the sofa behind Mommy's friends and lick their hair. They don't need grooming.
- Mommy returns home from work every day - she always has. I do not have to act as though every trip out the door is her last.
- When my Mommy is baking, she can handle the stirring just fine with a spoon. I really don't need to use my paws so her arms can rest.
- I do not need to sit on Mommy's lap everytime she uses the potty.
- I will not go screaming into the bathroom and swat my 15-lb sister on the butt while she is sitting on the edge of the full bathtub, causing her to fall into the water and lacerate Mommy's ribs in her panicked attempt to climb out.
- I must not help myself to Q-Tips and I most certainly must not stuff them down the sink's drain.
- I will not blame my Mommy when I fall into a tub full of water. She warns me and I just don't listen.
- I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter.
- I will not try to lick the toothpaste from the inside of Mommy's mouth.
- I will not lick and then bite Mommy's legs when she comes out of the shower.
- I will not play "hockey" with a shampoo cap in the bathtub at 4:00 a.m.
- I will not play in the toilet and get the seat wet so that Mommy will yell at Daddy.
- I will not stuff my favorite toy down the toilet and meow at Mommy when she flushes and water runs all over the bathroom.