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Porno on the Internet!

by David Stevenson


Note: this article contains offensive language [but no pornography].
If you may be insulted by offensive language
then please stop reading now. Stop! Stop!

You have been warned!


So I thought I'll see wot all this is about porno on the Internet.

I went looking for <bells clang> naughty piccies !!!

Found a list of places where you can see piccies of women with no clothes on!!! Yum, yum!!! Tried the first!!! Are you over 18? Yes, np! Press here if over 18! <press> Are you sure you are over 18? Of course i'm f***ing sure! <press> What sort of credit card do you use? Hold everything!!! <brakes, dig heels in> Whoa!

Back to the list, try again. Lots of lovely women, FREE <twang>. Goody!!! Try it. Yum yum!!! Are you over 18? Shit, of course I'm over 18!!! Press here if over 18! <press> Would you be terribly upset if you saw a picture of a naked woman? OF COURSE I WOULDN'T BE UPSET YOU CRETIN OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE LOOKING AT THIS WEB PAGE IMAGINATIVELY CALLED NAKED GIRLS WOULD I? O shit, press if I'm not upset. OK: <press>. Are you over 18? OF COURSE I'M OVER 18 OTHERWISE ... O bugger <press>. Would you like to see our boobs page? Yes please, I would like to go to your boobs page Are you over 18?

Aaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the pages here might offend if you are offended by pictures of naked women. TELL THE BASTARDS I'LL TAKE A CHANCE ON BEING OffENDED!!!!!!!!! <press> Are you over 18? <press> Do you want a one month sub for $49.99 or an annual sub for $59.99? NO, I JUST WANT TO SEE A NAUGHTY PICCY!!! <sob>

Back to the list. Examples changed regularly: come and browse: OK <press>. Are you over 18? Well, I wasn't when I started looking for these piccies but I'm in my eighties now. Look at Belinda. I'm looking, I'm looking! Do you want to see her properly? Yes, please, please, <slurp>, please. Press on the little piccy and you will see ALL of Belinda. <press> <press> <press> <press> <press> Are you over 18? Of course ... <press> <press> <press> <press> Belinda appears. Not much of a piccy, not that much of a girl, but wot the hell, I've seen a picture!!! Do you want to see another one??? Yes please!! Do you want to join our monthly club [only $39.99]? No, thanks. Do you want to see Melanie? Who's Melanie? Who cares? Of course I want to see Melanie!! Where do I press?? Are you over 18? DON'T YOU F***ING KNOW YET WHETHER I'M OVER 18?? Some of this is of an explicit nature and may offend. Bugger off <press>. This is Melanie with her clothes on. Doesn't she look nice? Yes she does but why has she got her f***ing clothes on? Do you want her to take them off? Wot do you think I am, a dead mouse? Of course I want Melanie to take her clothes off. <thinks: don't ask me if I am over 18> Are you over 18?

Aaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE I'M ...

***** Netscape ******
An error has occurred in your program and it will be shut down immediately.
Please contact Bill Gates if you want to see Melanie.

Shit. Bugger. Let's go and find a website with three dead mice!

Don't worry, your kids are quite safe on the WWW. There may be porn, but try finding it!

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