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The Contract

by Roger Hooker


I standing in the kitchen, looking out the back window and marveling at the fine day developing. As I turned to go elsewhere in the house, I fell under the gaze... no, make that... the stare of two seemingly unhappy pussy cats who had set up shop on a table near the window.

"Hello, guys.... something wrong?? What's with the icy laser look??" I queried.

"Human, our food bowl is empty. Could you refill it for us, please?" spoke Reina, the resident tuxedo. "We're hungry!"

"Uhh... guys... I don't think it's suppertime yet," I replied. "You'll have to wait a bit."

"Now see here, human," the other cat, the token orange tabby AKA Tabby (go figure!), piped in. "We have entered into a contractual agreement with you and it specifically states that you will feed us when we want to be fed!"

"A contractual what? We have a contract with you? I don't remember any contract," I managed to spit out while at the same time wondering where our little darlings had picked up such a big word as contractual.

"'s right here!" With that, Reina reached back into her fur (and what appeared to be a pocket) and pulled out a piece of paper.

"Wait... you guys got pockets back there?" I asked.

"Oh yes.... held together by velcro... wonderful invention... Anyway, quit trying to change the subject. Here... read this!" Reina held out the paper.

I took it and began to read this curious document of which I was happily ignorant of just five minutes before.

It started... 'We, the party of the first part, hereafter known as the Token Feline Units, have entered into an accord and agreement with the party of the second part, hereafter known as the Hairless Ones.'

Incredulous, I continued reading....

'The party of the first part (Token Feline Units) will provide, upon demand from the party of the second part (Hairless Ones), the following:

Cute Kitten Antics A Warm Sleeping Buddy A Soft Hairy Belly Upon Which to Scratch A Totally Mouse-Free Zone....'

Etc. (You get the idea...)

Still amazed, I read the second part of the 'contract.'

'In exchange for services rendered by the Token Feline Units, the Hairless Ones will provide:

Lots and Lots of Food On Demand (Emphasis on Lots...) Water Play Toys Servant Service (Catering to all our feline-type whims...)'

And so on... I looked at the bottom of the document...and sure enough, there was MY signature! 'How in the world...' I thought to myself.

"We know what you're thinking, Human... You're wondering how we got you to sign it. During our adoption process at the shelter, we simply slipped it in amongst the other papers...and you signed away!!"

"Slick... but..." I said as I continued to scan the paper, "Where are YOUR signatures..or should we call them paw prints? You've got to sign it to make it legal."

Reina snatched the contract from my hands and looked.... She turned to Tabby and cried, "WE didn't sign it!"

Tabby scanned the paper anxiously but realizing he and Reina hadn't concluded the agreement, he turned to his sister and angrily announced "That's the LAST time we hire a d*g for a lawyer!!"

I looked at the despairing two and softly announced, "Dinner will be in two hours, guys. Sorry..."

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