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Gardening

by Helen S, Norfolk, UK

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Much of the Easter weekend at Chateau Simmons has been spent in gardening. Weeding, hacking back the uncontrollable jungle undergrowth, getting rid of the flood deposited cr*p which invariably sprouts vast forests of bindweed.... digging of the new flowerbed... (hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! uncontrolled hysterical laughter here...). Potting up of the urns with pansies, nasturtiums, dicentra.... trolling of the garden centres for new plants on the cheap (got two rhubarb crowns for a quid each.. bargain!). Blistered hands, aching backs, unearthing of the wasps' nests. All part of the family enjoyment that is Easter at Chateau Simmons.

Throughout all, the felines of Chateau Simmons have been supervising the feeble efforts of their humans.

Vernon has dug two new flowerbeds. Well, truth be told, the moles have won. So rather than have the lawns look like the surface of Mars, they've been dug over ready to have various hardy annuals and perennials planted. The cats have added vast amounts of organic fertiliser to the new flowerbeds in the form of cat pee and poo liberally deposited throughout. My peonies should be the envy of my neighbours later this year... Waffles decided to supervise proceedings for the very top of the nearest willow tree - wobbling on branches so thin they almost did not support her weight (and she's only a 6lb cat). This led to a demonstration of just how much the human loves the cat by not flinching when enticing said feline from the topmost branches. Said feline leapt, showing all the natural grace and elegance of the feline species straight from top of tree on to bosom of waiting human slave. Heck - deep bleeding gouges on heaving bazoomas are de rigeur on the fashion stakes this Spring…

The came the clearing of the stream banks of a winter's growth of weeds. Of course, these were the cats' favourite haunts for catching the rodent life of Norfolk, so to clear the overwintering bindweed, dandelions, etc., is sacrilege and the Mothership was called upon for revenge. This took the form of multitudinous blisters on my hands… Various frogs hopped about, zillions of ladybirds flew, and in the stream, sticklebacks did what sticklebacks do to make baby sticklebacks, closely watched by young trout to see what needs to be done to make more young trout..

Me, I need an early night and a massage. Any offers???

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Editor's note:

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