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They Make Miniature Humans, Don't They?

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


Berfert has had a major shock, and is finally calmed down from the most horrendous experience of his long and disreputable life.

One of Rob's friends who was stationed in Korea with him came over to visit with us on her way to her new duty station in Florida. She brought along her husband, two (beautiful) chows and gasp a miniature human!! Berfert was horrified. He knew that we'd done something to shrink the human to a small size, and seemed to be worried that we'd find a way to use it on him or one of our other owners.

Now Berfert isn't a very sociable cat. He likes to get to know the humans around him before he makes an appearance. We really didn't expect to see him the whole weekend, as we'd introduced three strangers and two d*gs to our menagerie. But Berfert had to check this out in case, I suspect, we'd taken in more strays. Only 1 hour after our friends and their two year old daughter, J.B., arrived, Berfert stuck his head around the corner to see what was taking over his livingroom. The poor old cat's eyes widened and he reared back in shock. Not only had we brought three interlopers into his house, but one of them was small. This was terrible, she might be able to eat his food, sleep in his bed, or lay on his spot on the back of the sofa.

Berfert beat a stragetic retreat to our bedroom where he jumped onto the cat ledge attached to the window. Horrors!! there were two d*gs barking at him and glaring at his window. They were huge, almost as big as the smallest human. Berfert's world turned upside down and he ran towards Mike's room to hide in the safest place in the house. No one will voluntarily enter Mike's room. The door was closed. He ran back to our room and dived under the bed, kicking Merlin out. Merlin decided that it was safer to brave the humans he didn't know than the Berfert he did, and came back to the living room to see what we were doing. Tanada was too stuborn to give up "her" livingroom to the interlopers and was sitting on the sofa glaring at the strange man sitting in her rocking chair and inflating a matress. QC had discovered new friends and was playing with J.B. J.B. would grab QC's tail and she'd gently slide the large and fluffy thing out of her hands. J.B. was giggling and QC seemed to be enjoying herself.

After talking for a while we all went to bed, dislodging Berfert from under our bed where he was cowering and praying that the miniature human wouldn't discover his hiding spot. Berfert can't sleep under our bed when we're on it as he might miss something interesting. However if he came out the miniature human might discover him, or worse we might try our mystery formula on him and shrink him to mouse size. Berfert spent the better part of the night either under my computer desk or sitting behind the toilet in the master bathroom.

Sunday, Berfert decided that he'd better get to know the enemy. He realized that the d*gs were tied up and couldn't get to him, so he lay for hours on the cat ledge in our room, prompting the d*gs to wear themselves out with barking. Then, the d*gs vanquished, he was ready to take on the miniature human.

Meanwhile, Tanada has established, not only that she owns the house, but that she doesn't have to tolerate being touched by anyone that is under four feet tall. J.B. has donated blood to the cat and named her "Hurt." QC is having a great time, as she loves the world and knows they all love her. Merlin is more cautious than QC, but not grouchy like Tanada. He watches from afar, but is not willing to be left out of any events. Not only that, but these new humans are as good about sharing their beds with a gentlecat as his regular slaves are. Life for the owners is good.

Berfert makes his entrance. He slips into the doorway and sits, peering around the room, hoping that he can keep from being the center of attention. No such luck. We're all watching him. He sidles into the room, taking the roundabout and hidden route to his resting spot on the back of the sofa. Good, the miniature human hasn't discovered how to sleep on his spot yet. He sits on the back of the sofa in the meatloaf position facing the little human at all times. It might get out of control and do something drastic, like shudder talk to him.

JB has discovered the cats' toybox. She loves cat toys. So does Merlin. He watches her play with his toys, making sure that she doesn't keep any. She leaves them laying around. He likes that, its very catlike of her. I pick them back up. Not good, but at least I didn't give them to the human to keep. Merlin can live with the status quo.

Sunday passes in a blurr for us all. Monday I leave for work and Rob sees our friends off on their drive to Florida. When I get back, the house is unnaturally quiet. The cats are laying around the house in their normal spots and positions. Berfert no longer has that strange wide-eyed, terrified look. Its my fault the interlopers were here, but Daddy made them leave. The cats, Berfert especially, are further convinced that I'm to blame for everything and that Rob is a super hero.

Sigh. Everything is back to normal.

-------------- Editor's note:

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