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Protective Cat

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


PC protected me from 2 Beanie Baby goats, 1 diet coke, a computer keyboard, Rob, Berfert, Tanada, Mandy, a book, the tv remote and the CD player.

This all started yesterday when the kids cleaned house for me. One of the boys put the two goats on my CPU in a suggestive position. PC leaped onto the computer desk (he's getting better, it only took him two tries this time) and attacked the goats. He flung the neon colored one through the air and onto the bed. The brown one was obviously more dangerous and he wrestled that goat down onto the floor and under the bed. He then brought it out in his mouth and growled at Merlin, who was watching him as though he'd lost the last aces in his deck. He then leaped onto the bed and stood guard over the neon colored goat so that it couldn't escape. All of this activity tired him out so he went to sleep, laying on the neon goat and holding the brown goat in his teeth so that they were both trapped.

After he woke up, he saw that the computer keyboard was attacking my fingers. He had to protect me. He leaped onto the keyboard and attacked the keys. The message I was going to send to the group was deleted, an error message was posted and Netscape closed down. PC was sent to protect the bed. This he did with much vigor. I'd hidden the goats, but didn't do a good enough job. I looked over at the noise and saw PC growling and shaking the brown goat. He was standing on the green one. I'm glad they weren't wigs.

Mandy came in to give me a diet coke that I asked for. He growled at her. She left the room. PC was pleased. He'd protected me from the evil human child. Berfert came into the room to see what all the fuss was about. PC growled at him and Berfert hid under the bed. Tanada took more effort than Berfert did. She came in to sleep in her usual place on Rob's hip, and PC took up combat position on Rob's waist. Tanada growled at him and hissed her best hiss. PC hissed back and slapped her face. Tanada was outraged. No cat had slapped her in years, what was this little upstart up to. She growled and hissed again. PC slapped again. This time she was ready and leaned back so that PC fell off of Rob's waist and onto the bed. Tanada used the distraction to retreat to the top of the cable box where PC couldn't get to her without her being able to fend off his attacks.

Did you know that cats are fully aware that diet Coke is not healthy? PC tried to take a drink of mine then tried to bury it. This is after he attacked the TV remote and knocked it off of my night stand. I decided that It was more than late enough and I needed to get some sleep.

I crawled into bed and used the CD remote to turn off the CD player. PC wanted to know what happened to the noise. He ran across Rob and onto the player. CDs are stacked on and around the player. They are now all over the floor. Gravity still works.

I picked up a book to read and PC didn't like my choice of reading material. The name of the book? "Cats Have No Lords" by Will Shetterly. Apparently PC took exception that any one would presume to dictate what cats have and don't have. I fended him off and tried to read. PC settled down on my ribcage and read my book with me, or at least he laid his head on my upper arm. I was really getting into a chapter when suddenly I felt sandpaper rasping across my underarm. PC likes the taste of my underarm deodorant. I thought it was unscented, but apparently it tastes good to him, or else he was cleaning a spot that I missed. I scritched PC's head and he purred at me. He was happy and comfortable. My underarm didn't agree with his assessment of the situation, but I could live with that.

I read for a while then decided I needed to get some sleep. I reached over to turn off my lamp. PC slid down my back and lay behind me with his side and feet pointed straight up into the air. I expected him to punish me for dumping him off of his perch, but he had found the culprit. He rolled over, growled and leaped at Rob's shoulder. He missed, slid down his back and sat there glaring at him. Rob didn't so much as change his breathing.

PC was not happy. I rolled over to watch what was promising to be an epic battle, but Rob just lay there as PC hissed and growled at him. PC even slapped at him once, but this didn't have the desired effect. Mom giggled instead. He turned and glared at me. I had insulted my staunchest defender. He stalked to the edge of the bed and dramatically leaped into the air. This didn't have it's intended effect, as he launched himself right into my dresser, hit it with a thud and slid down the front of it. PC turned, gave me a dirty look and left the room. I turned over and went back to sleep. I hope that cat never figures out how to turn off the bathroom light so that I can't see him in action.


Editor's note:

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