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Psycho Cat Wars

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


We have agreed that seven cats is two too many. PC however doesn't agree with us. He sees Penelope and Diana as new playmates who are there just to keep him entertained. Diana and Penelope see PC as the ultimate in chaotic feline nightmares. It doesn't help that PC has inspired Berfert and he is now aiding and abetting the brat cat.

The night before last, we were watching "Crossing Jordan" on TV and she and her father were re-creating a crime to figure out how it was done. The scene was intense, and the suspense was building. Suddenly, a yowl of combined anger and challenge split the night air.

Diana ran through the living room at top speed, followed by Penelope, who was still yowling defiantly at the world. For being highly pregnant, she sure can move. Right behind her, so close he could have bit her tail, was PC. PC seemed to be having a great time. He was going fast enough to catch either of the girls, but was having more fun keeping up with them. Behind them all, lumbered Berfert. Berfert wasn't trying to be part of the chase, just watch it in action. The four of them thundered down the hall and disappeared into my bedroom.

A minute or so later Berfert and PC strolled back into the living room and sat down. Berfert was positioned where he could watch both the kitchen and hall doors. PC was hiding just inside the kitchen door where he could pounce.

Penelope cautiously walked into the living room, saw Berfert and, avoiding him, walked into an ambush. PC leaped out from hiding and landed on PC. She reared up and slashed at him, yowling defiance with every bit of her little furry soul. PC seemed to laugh as he slapped at her butt with his right paw. Berfert was interested and edged closer.

Penelope turned on her attacker and fought for her very life. PC was evil incarnate and had to be vanquished. Berfert edged to within three feet of the action. PC batted back at Penelope. He looked like the big guy who laughs while holding off the ineffectual pummelings of the little person who is screaming "You brute, You Brute" at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly, the two of them turned on Berfert. Surprised he turned to leave, only to find Diana blocking his exit, waiting patiently for him to make a move. Berfert was trapped. Desperately he looked around for help.

At that time, Merlin walked up behind Diana, slapped her on the head and bounded over to where Berfert was being attacked by the upstarts and batted PC away from Berfert. The two of them rolled around together in a blur of gray tabby and white fur. Berfert and Penelope stopped fighting and watched the two of them. I couldn't help it. I laughed. All action stopped. All of the cats sat still and looked at me then engaged in a mass self grooming session. This made me laugh harder.

I've been told that I don't look 46 years old. I think it's because the kids and the cats have kept me young. They sure keep me laughing.


Editor's note:

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