Last Story Home Local Next

Pirate Cat

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


{Singing} Fifteen cats on the dead d*g's chest,
I'm Pine Cone cat and a bushwackaling bum.
A life at sea is where it's at,
Watch out folks 'cause here I come.


Yes, Pine Cone was singing to me when I came home yesterday. He'd pulled out all stops and had shanghaied the other cats into another adventure. Pine Cone has decided that the Pirate's life is for him.

This started some time back, when I was planning our camping trip to Maryland and Ocracoke that didn't happen. Pine Cone was sitting on the bed next to me as I poured over maps with the kids. Mandy asked me if Black Beard ever got as far as Maryland. I told her I didn't know and PC wanted to know who Black Beard was. Or at least Mandy told him who Black Beard was. "He was the scourge of the high seas. Where he sailed men wet their pants and women trembled. He took everything he wanted and spoiled the rest." She gushed on to her attentive audience.

From that day I noticed a change in my little boy kitty. He began to walk with a swagger, took pride in stealing my dinner, and proudly brought all the other cats in to see when he was posted on the Bad Kitty website. I was amused, but didn't connect it with his ambitions to be a pirate, at first.

Mike's school is known as the Buccaneers (another name for, you guessed it, pirate). I have a hat pin from the school that I keep on my favorite Aussie Bush hat. I hid the hat because Pine Cone had been trying to remove the pin. It now rests in my van so that I can wear it whenever I want, or so I tell people. The truth is the little monster has been plundering my hat. He's also been plundering my underwear drawer, the snack cupboard, refrigerator, and the other cats' food. He tore open a bag of poucies with a single claw, walked off with the remote control, and began to take an inordinate interest in water.

Last night he perched on the side of the tub while Mandy was taking her shower. This is a new and disturbing development in his quest to become a pirate. He lurks around the bathroom and watches intently while a person takes a shower or climbs into the sink when one is getting ready to get a glass of water. He always critiqued my potty performance, but now he's taken up watching how everyone uses the porcelain chair. I've been getting complaints.

Anyway, he perched on the side of the tub to watch Mandy in action. First she complained, then she giggled. Because of the plumbing problems we've been having for some time, the water drains slowly in the tub, if another water source is in use, like the kitchen sink. Mike was doing dishes. Pine Cone leaned over to watch the water swirling down the drain and fell in. He was pretty wet, even after Mandy dried him off with a towel. His tail hung chunky and limp his fur matted in clumps and he looked strangely smug. I didn't understand it.

Later Mike complained because Pine Cone climbed into the shower with him and wouldn't leave, even with Mike taking his usual cold water shower. This morning I caught him in the middle of making a beached starfish trap for the unwary. Of course I fell into it and touched the center of his starfishiness. I have pin holes in my arms from where the trap sprung.

Pine Cone seems to be readying himself for a life of crime on the high seas. I fully expect to get the bill for a sail boat in the near future. Then all who sail the oceans are in trouble. Pine Cone the terrible is loose on the seas.


Editor's note:

Last Story Home Top Local Next
Top of