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Anchors Away

by David Yehudah, Bellflower, CA, USA


They're doing it again; these little hairy varmint critters are trying to tickle me to death.

A few moments ago I was sprawled out on the couch in all my glory, with the footrest at port arms and my fat ass taking its ease. My feet were to one side, mainly because I was sharing the footrest with Samantha, our portly Siamese lap fungus. The tv was doing its thing, trying to justify its exorbitant. . .well, never mind. Don't get me started on that.

Anywho, little Toby decided he wanted to join us on the couch. Being just barely too small, yet, to jump up by himself, he did his usual routine; reared up on the end of the footrest and barked until I lowered the footrest a fraction and let him scramble up. As he's gotten older I've had to drop the furniture less and less, until now I just let it down a token inch or so. I expect soon he'll be able to make it up by himself and not be aggravating everyone within earshot every time he wants up.

Tonight was no different. I encouraged him to make it by himself, and he did try. But he couldn't quite make it. So I dropped the footrest an inch or so. He sprang as high as he could, but his participles still dangled, causing him to flop gracelessly onto the floor again. So I lowered the obstacle just a hair more and urged him to try once again. Puppyfully (well, I couldn't say "manfully," now could I?) he lunged again, and again he seemed on the verge of succeeding.

That's when he sank his sharp little puppy chompers into Sam's butt and used her for an anchor to pull himself up.


There are several things one learns around here right away. Among the first is that, although Sam is pretty easy going, one does not mess with her rear end. She takes excessive umbrage at that. The pup had just committed an act of lese majeste deserving of the most severe reprimand. With a war cry that would have made Attila cringe, she launched herself at the offending canine with such ferocity that she actually flung him higher on the couch when she spun around to face him. Thus she found herself facing the opposite direction from Toby.

Now Toby is not the brightest light on the tree; in fact, he makes Mac look like Einstein. But his bulb is not completely burned out. He immediately leaped to the attack, barking so furiously he startled Sam into jumping down onto the floor and retreating to her unassertive food dish. At least it doesn't bark in her face or bite her on the tochis.

Critters; what would we do without 'em.


Editor's note:

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