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Plant Ckiller

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


Ok, I'm stretching the title here, but he is a murderer of plants. My beloved plant has bit the big one, bought the farm, pushed up it's last daisy, played it's last ace, kicked the bucket. Well actually, PC kicked the plant's bucket.

PC loves the mantle on the fireplace and has ever since he discovered it during the two days that the cat stand was near enough to him to climb over to the fireplace and knock everything off. Rather than replace all the breakables we had placed on the mantle, we moved the cat stand. PC didn't approve.

At first it was only when we were in the living room. PC would take a running leap onto the corner stand, then up onto the mantle, and would run back and forth knocking everything he could off. He seemed concerned that the laws of gravity might have been repealed since the last time he'd checked and had to make sure that everything was still ticking normally. Gravity still works. He would run back and forth. My cowboy boot mugs would go flying, the cat figurines would plop onto the carpet, our family portrait would teeter, the dragon incense holder would quiver and dance in place. PC was having fun.

Then the incense holder hit the hearth and shattered. Rob was not very pleased. I offered to buy him a new one, but he rather huffily informed me that it wouldn't be the same. I put up the boot mugs and the breakable cat figurines leaving the non breakable ones in place. PC was depressed for all of ten minutes. He quickly found a new diversion.

I have/had a glass jar where I've been rooting some plant cuttings. PC discovered that it was fun to pull those out of the jar, one at a time and drop them into the big bucket where we keep firewood. I caught him at it, pulling them out one at a time and aiming them at the wood. I yelled and he looked at me with his eyes closed to slits and an insolent sneer on his face. I put them back and took him off the mantle. PC was P*ssed. Rob says that PC is perpetually P*ssed, but Rob thinks PC need valium.

Then PC discovered this plant I had planted in a hand made pottery planter. It was a really cool planter, well shaped, with holes in the sides in random patterns. Distinctive, pretty, and one of a kind. PC didn't like it. He knocked the planter off of the mantle. It bounced off the carpet a couple of times and came to rest with the plant halfway out of the planter. I found it scolded him and put it back. PC seemed embarrassed and contrite about harming Meowmie's plant.

The next day, PC dumped the plant again, however just dumping it on the carpet wasn't enough. The plant bore the unmistakable teeth marks of having been pulled from the pot and dragged across the floor. There was an eight foot trail of dirt between the pot and the plant. Mike discovered it, scolded PC and put it all back. PC was not amused.

Yesterday, PC dumped the pot again. He knocked it onto the floor where it scattered dirt in an arc and then spread the dirt around with his little formerly white feet. There were little tiny PC prints all over the floor. PC was proud. He was an artist. I was less impressed. Feliway was sprayed on the mantle.

Today, I called home to leave a message with the kids and was told that PC had finally ckilled the pot and the plant didn't have a prayer. This time, when PC shoved it off of the mantle, he didn't push it hard enough and it hit the hearth. It shattered all over the carpet and the plant didn't just land hard, it was shredded. PC didn't like the plant or the pot and took steps to remove the object of his dislike from his world. The plant and pot were given burial at dumpster.

To make matters worse, each day he has pulled my starter plants out of their rooting jar and artfully placed them in the wood bucket. Right now, the mantle is bare. The cuttings may make it, but I'm not hopeful, PC is in the cat house, and I'm thinking of mounting an armed guard on the fireplace. Penelope is looking interested in climbing the mantle as well and Merlin has become a color commentator. "Look Meowm. He has climbed the corner stand. Watch his preparations for his mount. He leaps. He lands it. Look at PC's grace and style!! He runs back and forth on the mantle. He sees the planter. he knocks and scores..." Wide World of Sports has nothing on PC.

All of the plant cuttings have been tossed into the dumpster.


Editor's note:

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