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Grandma and the Goose

by Hazel Az, Phoenix, Arizona, USA


I have several "bird" stories. We lived on a farm from the time I was 12 and my mother had a huge incubator. We raised some of the strangest looking birds you have ever seen along with the normal geese, chickens, ducks, turkeys, etc.

The one story that comes to mind involves my grandmother. She lived in Georgia and Alabama most of her life and was raised to believe that women never wore slacks. She also weighed 350 lbs.

We always had a huge garden and Grandma had one of her own to work in. My mother would get so upset because Grandma would work in that garden in a housedress with nylon stockings knotted just under her knee. Every time she bent down you could see under her dress.

We had a pair of Chinese geese. These look like typical white geese, except they are smaller and more compact. And sneakier. The gander would sneak up behind you and grab you and hit you with his wing. This felt like being hit with a fist. The female would egg him on with great honks of encouragement.

One day the gander snuck up on Grandma and grabbed a big hunk of fat that was hanging over her nylon stockings. Tenacious little bugger wouldn't let go. She kept trying to reach him and he just followed around with her and hitting her with his wing. His lady was honking loud and excitedly. Grandma was swearing a blue streak. I didn't know Grandma could talk like that.

My dad tried to help. He couldn't stand. Something was wrong with his legs and he sat on the grass helpless with laughter. Grandma and the goose were making enough noise to wake the dead. Dad finally crawled through the garden and got that gander to let go of Grandma's leg.

Grandma wore slacks in the garden after that.

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