How to Photograph a Puppy

• Remove film from box and load camera.
• Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
• Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
• Choose a suitable background for photo.
• Mount camera on tripod and focus.
• Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
• Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
• Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
• Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
• Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
• Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
• Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
• Put magazines back on coffee table.
• Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
• Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
• Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say "No, outside! No, outside!"
• Call someone to help clean up mess.
• Fix a cold glass of beer.
• Sit back in LazyBoy with the large, cold drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

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