Last Story Home Local Next

The Three Stooges

by Beverley, Napier, New Zealand


The Three Stooges did slap-stick comedy, were famous in the thirties and occasionally appear on old film replays in recent times. The following saga is straight out of one of their routines.

Our prima donna waste master is a temperamental creature. She will only partake of the most succulent of morsels - tender lettuce, squashy tomatoes, delicious little carrot tops. Give her a meal of pumpkin skins and seeds or perhaps the skeleton of a couple of soles and our Diva refuses to soil her delicate throat. Yesterday she ground to a halt. Water and partially digested vegetables swirled in the sink.. More water went back into the pipes. Our elderly dishwasher sits nearby. Behind it is a tall outlet pipe for waste water to gurgle into through a rubber tube and away to the sewer pipes. When our Diva misbehaves the water surges backwards out of the outlet pipe and cascades over the kitchen floor.

Ted was sitting on top of a ladder painting the kitchen cupboards and was amazed at the water swirling around the bottom of his ladder. Some of his cloths and tools were on the floor and made interesting little islands in the sea of water. Ollie was enjoying himself, jumping from island to island.

The Three Stooges went into immediate operation. John, as Stooge No. 1 operated the squeegee. Ted, as Stooge No. 2 went outside to push the hose up the outside pipe. Ollie, as Stooge No. 3 went fishing in the sink for pumpkin seeds. I was just a general dogsbody. I mopped up the water and stuffed rag into the outlet pipe behind the dishwasher.

The squeegee didn't work and was discarded. Stooge 2 yelled though the open window "I'm turning on the hose - bombs away."

The Diva belched disgustingly and the sink remained full of water. "Let's put the hose down the sink," Stooge 1 shouted. He took the hose through the window and thrust it down the tender rubber lips of the Diva. She wasn't about to put up with that - she spat a stream of greasy water into Stooge 1's face. Stooge 3 had his face too close to the action and with a yowl fell backwards out the window.

It was time for drastic action. "I think we'd better remove theU-bend," burbled Stooge No.2. Monstrous spanners were brought in from the garage.

The dogsbody offered an opinion. "Perhaps we should call a plumber," I ventured.

Stooges 1 and 2 looked at me as if I'd just lost my senses. "Plumbers cost a fortune," they shrieked together.

The U-bend came off and was pronounced in good health. It was placed on the floor for replacement later. A large bucket was placed under the Diva and quickly filled as her innards were thoroughly flushed from the top. Presently the Diva was prounced free from constipation and there was much hand-shaking and patting of backs from the Stooges. Stooge No. 3 had arrived back inside and was inspecting the Diva. I peered at the horrible mangled vegetable mess in the bucket which I had placed on the bench. Stooge No.2 went back outside to coil up the hose.

Stooge No. 1 was in a splendid mood. He picked up the bucket of slops and emptied it down the sink. There was a terrible yowl from Stooge No. 3. He had placed himself directly under the Diva and got the full force of water in his face. Using every claw available he sped up Stooge No. 1's leg and flung himself out the window. He landed on the head of Stooge No. 2 who was replacing the waste trap. The air was full of screams - I bet the Diva was delighted. The water swirled revoltingly over the inside of the pot cupboard and kitchen floor wetting the shoes, socks and trouser legs of Stooge No. 1.

Me - I'd had enough of the Stooges.. I went into the other room and rang the plumber.


Editor's note:

Last Story Home Top Local Next
Top of