Catching the Xmas Burglar

by Beverley, Napier, New Zealand

We've all been burgled around here at various times. The people next door had their car taken and installed a burglar alarm, on the other side a bike went missing. We are all jumpy as the newspapers abound with stories about whole houses and garages being cleaned out of their Xmas goodies.

When the garage alarm went off at 3.00 a.m. yesterday morning we were ready. I snatched up the cordless phone ready to ring the police. We sneaked to the kitchen and I pressed the garage opener. I am sure you know the identity of the burglar - as the door glided up and the lights came on the burglar was going into his routine on top of the car - yawning, bowing, that sort of thing. But we were both equally certain that the other was to blame for the burglar's incarceration.

"You locked him in the garage," I growled.

"Did not," growled back DH. "You locked him in."

Didn't, Did, Didn't, Did.

The burglar had marched off down the drive while we argued so we shut the garage and went back to bed.

The burglar's ear-splitting yowls outside the bedroom window woke up both of us.

DH

"It's that bloody cat again. Why didn't you feed him to-night?"

Me

"I did, Didn't, Did, Didn't, Did, Didn't."

DH

"Well, let him in and feed him then."

Me

"Why should I have to feed him?"

DH

"He's your cat."

Me

"He's not my cat, we're his humans."

DH

"We're not his humans,"

Me

"We are, we're not, we are, we're not."

I gave in, let in the burglar, fed him and staggered back to bed. It was 4.00 a.m. and I drifted off to sleep. I snapped awake. Something was sitting on my face. A ghastly yowling began.

DH

"Let him out the window, get rid of him."

Me

"You let him out the window. You get rid of him. I'm asleep."

DH

"You do it. I'm asleep."

Me

"It's not fair. I always let him out. You're his human too."

DH

"I'm not."

Me

"You are. Not. Are. Not. Are. Not. Are."

The Burglar.

"Yeeeoooooooow."

I let him out.

Critters. Sigh.

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Beverley?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!
• If you want to see what Ollie looks like then click here!

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