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New Names?

by Roger Hooker


I was standing in the kitchen, downing a cup of coffee as the terrible two leaped up on the table. Knowing something was coming, I nonchalantly looked at the balls of orange and black and white and said, "Hi, guys! What's up?"

The orange-laden one, AKA Tabby, approached me. "Human, we've just been thinking about adding a little 'umph' to our names. After all, Tabby and Reina are kind of... well... boring. Don't get us wrong... we like 'em and all but they just don't match our regal qualities."

I looked at Tabby. "Oh yeah? And what exactly would you two like to be called?"

Her Royal Black and Whiteness, AKA Reina, then spoke up. "As Tabby said, we'd like names more befitting our image. We're thinking about something along the lines of.... ummm.... errrr..... T'abby and R'eina. Unique and classy with a certain air of mystery!"

"What do you think, human?" Tabby quieried.

"T'abby and R'eina? Well.... if you guys are really set on it... I suspect we could try it for a few days."

"Great!! We'll expect new ID tags in a few...."

"Whoa...wait a minute, Reina. I said we'd try it for a few days. We'll see about the other stuff later, okay?"

"Ohh... okay..." R'eina jumped off the table, followed by T'abby. And you know what? I think heard them talking as they sauntered down the hall.

"You know, T'abby, I trust the long-haired human more than I do this one. I think he's up to something."

"Nawww..." replied T'abby, "what can he do with our names?"

A couple of hours later, I refilled their food bowls and called out to them. "F'labby!! P'aina!! Suppertime!"

I swear, you could've heard the meowls of protest all the way to Kansas! Shortly (very shortly!) I was confronted with two pairs of very disgruntled eyes.

The orange ones glared at me. "What the heck is your problem, human? It's T'abby..."

The green ones chimed in, "... And R'eina!! Not F'labby and P'aina!"

"Oops!! Sorry, guys! My bad..."

The next day, I didn't see the terrible twosome around so I called out. "G'abby! M'angie!! Where are you guys?"

I felt a furious tapping at my leg. I looked down and there they were. R'eina had extended a claw and was motioning me down to the floor. I knelt down to come face-to-face with an upset pussy cat convention.

"Are you messing with us?" R'eina demanded.

"What??" I said with a mock look of confusion on my face. "Ohh..." I said, correcting myself, "it's.... errr..."

Tabby spoke up. "Watch my lips... T'abby and R'eina..... T' A B BY and R' E I N A... Got it?"

They waddled off, meo-ursing under their breaths.

A little while later, I was looking out the back door when I saw a couple of birds in the yard. Knowing the furry duo would be interested, I called out. "B'labby! H'yena!"

The pair slowly trod up to me. With a look of defeat in his eyes, Tabby said, "Okay, human. You win... Tabby and Reina..."

"I knew you guys would come around!" They still looked a little sad so I added... "Look!! BIRDS!!!"

The doldrums were over. They immediately positioned themselves in the hunter position and for the next hour, they watched the birds, swishing their tails back and forth...

And you know what? I haven't heard the names T'abby and R'eina since.

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