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Cat and Toast

by Alex Elliott

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Was it Douglas Adams who proposed the anti-gravity device composed of a buttered slice of toast tied to the back of a cat? Since cats "always land on their feet" and toast "always lands buttered side down" the combination of the two could logically never reach the floor.

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Report of experiment:

Hypothesis
See above.

Apparatus

Setup
Two small holes were cut in the English muffin half, each about 0.75 inches from the edge of the muffin, 180 degrees apart. After toasting, a length of string was threaded through the muffin, which was then spread with approximately one tablespoon of strawberry jam. (Aside: will the amount of jam determine the hovering height of the cat-muffin assembly?) The string was tied around the cat's waist, with the muffin arranged on the cat's back, strawberry jam side up.

Methodology
The cat will be dropped from about three feet above the floor. The initial trial will be done with the cat oriented sideways upon release, so as not to bias the results in either the catwards or muffinwards direction. Should the apparatus prove durable enough for repeated trials, additional starting orientations will be tried.

Observations

Discussion
Obviously the two physical laws involved in this experiment are far stronger than this experimenter had anticipated. A more sophisticated method of muffin affixation is needed before a reliable anti-gravity device can be produced. Unfortunately, the experimenter had to leave for work after cleaning up the mess, so no further experimentation was possible.

Conclusion
Two unbreakable laws, when set up in seeming opposition, will both be satisfied anyway. Further research into cat-muffin phenomena is desperately needed, pending the award of extremely large research grants (cash in small-denomination, unmarked bills preferred) and the assistance of nubile young laboratory assistants (ones who look like Marky-Mark would be ideal).

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