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This morning I woke up with a migraine. I crawled out of my pit - head throbbing, vision blurred, skull about to split open, left eye about to pop from the ice pick lodged in the rear of said eyeball - and managed to open the door to the garden to let the cats out for their morning ablutions. I somehow managed to fill the kettle with water, to make a cup of tea, and once that was done, I swallowed some with a couple of paracetamol & codeine. I retired to the sofa to quietly die in the corner 
Thank heavens I don't get these as often as I used to!
After a few minutes, I heard the cat flap go, followed by "MOWWZ!" Waffles had something. I staggered in a painful fog towards the direction of the sound. In the kitchen sat Waffles with a very live shrew at her feet. "MMOOWWZ!" She said. The "mmoowwz" ran off. I muttered something unrepeatable under my breath, as I really did not feel able to chase a shrew about the kitchen, as I was on the point of fainting due to the pain in my head and fog in my vision. At this point, Marble ran into the kitchen to see what was going on. Waffles hisspitted at him to bu**er off away from her "mmoowwz". I staggered back to my death bed, shutting the door behind me, muttering "Catch the darned things yourself, I can't cope this morning." I then crashed out on the sofa again, fell asleep. Sleep during a migraine is a blessed relief.
A couple of hours passed and I woke - head slightly eased. At least I could see straight if nothing else. I slowly got up and wandered off to get a glass of water. I opened the door to the kitchen. I heard "MMOOWWZ!" again. My cats had realised that their Meowmie was not well and in desperate need of feline medicine. Waffles, Francis and Marble were sat in a line. Around them, scattered across the kitchen floor were two shrews and three voles. I duly thanked my felines, picked up the scattered rodents and sacrificed them at the altar of Bast in the corner of the kitchen (the kitchen bin). I then crawled upstairs, spoke to Hughie and Bart in the great porcelain telephone and crawled back downstairs again. I drank some water and crawled back upstairs to lie down on my bed. Three cats quietly followed and nestled themselves next to me. I was surrounded by the gentle sounds of cat purrs. Funny how the sound of cats purring is the only sound I can stand when I've got a bad migraine. Can someone please get them to understand that all purrs are gratefully received whilst the rodents, no matter how delicious the cats think they are, don't have quite the same effect on mere humans?
Editor's note:
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