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The Long Tale of The Kingdom Of ChiChi

by Liz Pauley


My husband is on an extended job assignment. We were lucky to find two kitties (one a feral and the other a cast off) when I was over setting up his living arena. Life w/o ones spouse can and is quite lonely and the "Strangest" things occur..... This is The Tale of The Kingdom of ChiChi as told to me.....

Reading an old Dilbert cartoon one day, it occurred to me that, even though powerless in most aspects of my life, at least at home I am the absolute ruler, considering that I live mostly alone. Reflecting on it, I realized that all of the original old kings must have been average people who decided they wanted to give orders and were able make it stick.

I therefore decided that I, too, could be King and the effective extent of my future domain would be that area where I can practically enforce my will. Hence was born the Kingdom of ChiChi (from the name of the hovel I live in)..

Declaring oneself King was fun, but it soon became obvious that a King is not much of a King without subjects. Fortunately I had several occupants of the Kingdom of ChiChi including two cats, Fred and Giz, and various mice, bugs and one opossum (a transient). The mice and bugs being of the ruffian sort, the king needed a champion to control the rabble, so for good service and brave heart in this regard, I knighted Sir Fredigar the Fearless (formerly named Fred the Grey Goober) as Knight of the Realm and Champion to the King. Giz, being an outside cat originally, was held under suspicion of being foreign born and not yet worthy of honor.

Sir Fredigar outpaced my wildest hopes in the nobility of his aspect and demeanor. Contemplating this one quiet summer evening as I watched him relaxing on his back with his fluffy, gray, knightly belly exposed to the fan, I was struck with the thought that with crossed eyes and a lisp (mirth) Sir Fred was very obviously not only a knight, but also of noble blood! He must be a Duke, in fact, because was so noble he was able to be inbred in the very first generation!

This caused concern as I might well have one of those useless European nobles on my hands hanging around with a title but not much else, so I needed to give Sir Fred lands worthy of his obviously impressive lineage. Well, as it turns out, there is a part of the Kingdom rarely used (only on Saturdays) between the kitchen and the back door which contains a clothes washer and dryer which could be ceded to my young noble. I designated this area "Goober" in honor of Sir Fred's former title, and presented it to Sir Fred as his Duchy. Hence the young cat now sports the title "Sir Fredigar the Fearless, Grey Duke of Goober".

Elevating Sir Fred, presented another problem as the kingdom was now without a champion again. By this time, however, Giz had shown himself to be as loyal as any native, so he was also knighted and now sported the title "Sir Giz the Good, King's Champion". Since then, due to subtle hints and clues, I have realized that Sir Giz might have other powers to bring to the task of champion and hence needed a modification to his title. These abilities, such as an idle precognitive talent for snatching flies out of mid air and the handy telekinetic trick of tiping food bowls off of cabinets and levitating boiled shrimp into his paws, have induced me to add the phrase Jedi Cat to his title.

That is in brief how I, King of Chi Chi, came to have two of the noblest knights in the world in my service. Sir Giz the Good, Jedi Cat and King's Champion, and Sir Fredigar the Fearless, Grey Duke of Goober.

Regards, The King

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