What I want in a Cat

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA

Age 10

1. Kitten.
2. Soft fluffy fur.
3. Not to have to clean litter boxes.
4. Dependent on me for all its needs (except litter boxes).
5. Comes whenever I want it to show up.
6. Lets me dress it up in doll clothes whenever I want.
7. Belongs only to me and doesn't want to be with anyone else.
8. Eats all the foods that they give me and I don't like.
9. Listens to whatever I tell it and doesn't tell anyone else.
10. Sleeps on my bed and shares my pillow.

Age 25

1. Independent, takes care of itself.
2. Uses given potty facilities at all times.
3. Keeps me company without getting in the way.
4. Does cute kitty things I can tell my friends about.
5. Comes when I call it, at least part of the time.
6. Lets me dress it up in cute kitty clothes when I want to play.
7. Eats whatever I give it without complaint.
8. Listens to whatever I tell it and doesn't tell the other cats.
9. Never runs away, gets lost, or disappears.
10. Sleeps on my bed, lets me have my pillow on occasion.

Age 50

1. Doesn't lick its privates in front of those I want to impress.
2. Uses litter box most of the time.
3. Does cute kitty things I can tell my friends about.
4. Doesn't object to being referred to as my furkid.
5. Doesn't mind if I forget its name from time to time.
6. Doesn't throw loud parties.
7. Lets me dress it up in my wig and dentures.
8. Comes to the can opener.
9. Lets me tell it all it want and doesn't yowl back too loudly.
10. Lets me have part of the bed at night.

Age 85

1. Breathes.
2. Aims for the litter box on occasion.
3. Eats those nasty foods my diet calls for.
4. Finds dropped pills and lets me know where they are.
5. Comes to the can opener exclusively.
6. Yowls to keep me company.
7. Lets me dress it up in my bras and panties.
8. Loves to be with me.
9. Helps choose the TV programs and dig in the garden.
10. Has its own bed and bedroom.

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Pam Shirk?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!

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