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Keeping Fit


I read in this morning's paper that fat and flabby cats tend to be unhealthy cats. Thought it would be a good time to get healthy.

First eat from the three food groups: Mice, grass, and kitty treats. If you can't find enough of the first two, bulk up on the third group. A well balanced diet will leave you feeling full...And more able to take your morning, mid-day, and afternoon cat-naps.

Next, work out. Exercise is key to kitty fitness. I follow the regimen of Arnold Schwarzentabby:

It is important to start every cat exercise with a stretch. Preferably placing claws on the fabric of the couch or into the expensive leather chair. Never forget to stretch. A new couch or chair an owner can buy, a new cat like you is impossible.

I start each and every morning working on the "stair climber." If you don't have a "stair climber" machine, a human will do. While in bed, climb up and down your human, pausing to look into his or her face before climbing down again. Repeat the process until the human wakes up. Adding a touch a drool on one of the visits to the face is good. A human face makes a good spittoon during kitty exercise.

Next, running. Always good exercise. Do not run outside. It is unfamiliar territory and you could get hurt by a car. Run in the house. As fast as you can. Digging claws into the carpet around sharp corners is good for kitty leg muscles. A good run is when a human cannot actually see you, but only hear the sound of the carpet being torn as you race by.

Finally...Don't forget the cool-down period. This consists of a long period of inactivity. Resist the temptation to get up and do something. You do not want to injure yourself and make yourself useless to your owner. In fact, this is such an important part of the regimen, that you can skip the first three suggestions and go right to this one. I do it every day and I am a healthy cat. It was a good day.

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