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by David Yehudah, Bellflower, CA, USA


I have seen several posts over the past few months about how to tell if you're really a cat person. Some of them were pretty close and some were cute, but there is really only one way to tell for sure; the Marble Method.

The way it works is, first you fill your pockets with marbles. Fill 'em right up. Keep 'em with you at all times.

The next time, and every time thereafter, you use baby talk with one of your furr-babies, throw away one of your marbles. If you think you understood his reply, throw away another marble.

Whenever you catch yourself telling your family and coworkers the latest "cute" story about your critter for the second time that day, toss another marble.

Every time you use the "new" function on your newsgroup browser to see if maybe there might somewhere, somehow be still another cat ng you don't subscribe to yet, despite the fact you already cover seventeen in English and six more in foreign languages (four of which you neither read nor speak), throw away another marble.

If you catch yourself buying the same cat toys over and over, despite the fact that Sir Puss has never shown the slightest interest in any of them, throw away marbles like a ne'er-do-well going through an inheritance.

Whenever you find yourself replying with more heat than light to every post that pushes one of your buttons (starting violent flame wars over how to hang the toilet paper, for example), it's time for lots of marbles to bite the dust.

Finally, the big day arrives; you have lost all your marbles. From that day forth you may proudly, if somewhat goofily, proclaim you are indeed a cat person.

Did I leave anything out? :-)


Editor's note:

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