Several weeks ago I bought an old English walnut dining table that seats 12. It's a gorgeous piece of furniture, and I spent odd evenings and weekends refinishing it. After polishing it to a mirror shine, I put a wax coating on it and buffed it within an inch of its life. Then I proudly moved it into the dining room to see how it looked.
Romeow, our 24-pound, gray-striped tabby, galloped the length of the dining room, shouted "Geronimo" (the cat version), and leaped onto the table. Imagine his surprise when he slid the full length of it and fell onto the floor on the far end. He looked at me and he looked at the table, then he stood on his hind legs and rested his chin on the tabletop. Nothing there, just an ordinary dining table.
He heard my wife snort and winced when he saw her wide smile. So he backed up and rushed the table again, with the same result, only this time he spun completely around and hit the floor backwards. I snorted and grinned. This was quickly becoming too many for him.
He waited a few minutes until we put the chairs in place, jumped onto one, and gingerly ventured out onto that treacherous surface. So far so good. If he tried to take long steps his feet slid out from under causing him to thump his chin, but he soon learned to walk carefully and not tempt the demons that lurked just below the mirror surface of that confounded table.
Just at that moment the doorbell rang, startling Romeow and making him break into a wild gallop, certain he was being attacked by table demons. He almost beat himself senseless before he finally got off the table and to the safety of his bed. The cat wasn't hurt, but my wife and I were sore and out of breath for an hour afterward.
We later put a tablecloth on that vicious piece of furniture, but it didn't help much. Romeow tried once again to leap onto the table and managed to pull the tablecloth and a vase of flowers off onto him. His hasn't tried since; in fact, he firmly refuses to acknowledge the presence of such a beast in the same room with him, although whenever he hears a sudden noise, that's the first place he looks. Who knows, it might be coming after him.
Editor's note:
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