Playing QUIET!

by Diane Stapley, Bay Area, California, USA

04/01/97, 5:02 am

Dreaming. Walking down some hall doing something. Hear an insistent meowing. Huh? Where's that cat, she sounds like.......

"MEOW!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh?" Waking up. Meowing was real--this is just registering. Where's the cat? Looking down beside the bed. Expectant fuzzy face looking up at me.

"MEOW!"
"Chance, Maman's sleeping."

"MEOWWWWWWW!!"
"Chance, dear, Maman's trying to sleep."

"MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-
WWWWWWWW!!!"
"Chance, stop, I'm sleeping!"

"me-OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
{sustained approx. 23 seconds}
"Chance, quiet!"

.....

5:20 am

Slipping back to sleep. TUMBLE ROLL !!THUD!! in the hallway.
"What the heck was that?"
Fuzzy face looking slyly through the bedroom door.
"Bonjour, Maman! Wake up!"
"Chance, Maman is sleeping. Stoppit."
"Wakeupfeedmoiplaywifmoi!!"
"Quiet, Chance."

.....

6:07 am

TWONG!
TWONGGGG!

TWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!

"What the...."
Little fuzzy paw behind the bedroom door, playing with her newly-discovered and therefore FAVORITE toy, the doorstopper.

TWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNGG-
GGGGGGGG!!!

"QUIET, DAMMIT!!"
"MRRRRRRR-OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!"

Covers pulled over head in an attempt to deafen self.

{repeat above section X 4 on approx. 12 minute intervals}

.....

7:13 am

"Mmmmmmm-OWWWWW!" In the cavernous livingroom, for best echo potential.
"MMMMMMM-OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"Chance! What's wrong, bubba?"

No answer.

Roll over, heading back to sleep......

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-OWW-
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Dear God, please help me to find the strength to keep from throwing things within my reach in the general direction of The Cat."

{pause of unknown duration}

"meow?"

Little sad sack 'o fur abandoning hope on the bedroom floor with a look of "Maman's so mean."

I give up, I'm getting up to feed the damn cat.

.....

8:40 am

Leaving for work. The cat, now installed on my pillow with a foot under my covers, hasn't eaten a thing.

Resisting the urge to go yell "WAKE UP!" in her ear.

.....

2:07 pm

At the office. Phone rings. It's The Roommate, who telecommutes.
"Hey, Diane, the cat's been pretty quiet today."

GRRR. "What's she doing?"

"Sleeping in your bed, looks like."

{pause}

"Diane?"

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Diane Stapley?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!

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