A Morning With Sammy

by Lori Crews, Houston, Texas, USA

Cast of characters:

• Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
• Sammy - 2 1/2 –month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.

Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster – less than a pound of fluff with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what my typical morning is like now…

4:30AM:

I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see Sammy sucking on her tail. How disgusting!

4:31AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her stop.

4:32AM:

I go back to sleep.

4:45AM:

I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see Sammy sucking on MY tail. What nerve! How totally disgusting! My tail is wet!!!

4:46AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her stop.

4:47AM:

I go back to sleep.

5:00AM:

I am awakened by a severe pain in my tail. I look up to see Sammy CHEWING on my TAIL!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail HURTS!

5:01AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on twice top of her head to make her stop. I swat her on top of her head again for good measure.

5:02AM:

I go back to sleep.

5:15AM:

I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh. Well, she is kind of cute, but only sometimes, when she's asleep!

5:16AM:

I go back to sleep.

6:00AM:

The alarm clock rings and Mommy gets up to get ready to abandon me yet again today.

6:01AM:

The fun begins. Sammy is attacking and aggravating Mommy and I am loving it – hah! That's what she gets for bringing home that little monster!

7:30AM:

Mommy has again abandoned me and left me alone to cope with this spawn from hell.

7:35AM:

I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to my breakfast.

7:36AM:

I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the floor.

7:37AM:

I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this sneak attack.

7:38AM:

Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate me.

7:39AM:

I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on top of her head.

7:40AM:

I finally reach my breakfast. I'm starving and I start right in when suddenly this little head butts me out of the way and starts eating my breakfast! Sigh. I have to let the little one eat - I don't know why, something inside just forces me to back away while she gobbles up a whole tenth of my chow!

7:42AM:

Sammy finally finishes her meal and I start right in when suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my tail. I look around to find Sammy chewing on my tail!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail HURTS!

7:43AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head.

7:44AM:

I go back to eating my breakfast.

8:00AM:

I'm all tired out from my intense morning activities, so I head back to the bed to take a nap.

8:01AM:

I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the floor.

8:02AM:

I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this sneak attack.

8:03AM:

Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate me.

8:04AM:

I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on top of her head.

8:05AM:

I reach the bed and finally settle down for some much-needed sleep.

8:15AM:

I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look over to see Sammy sucking on her paw. How disgusting!

8:16AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her stop.

8:17AM:

I go back to sleep.

10:00AM:

I am awakened by hunger pains, I need a mid-morning snack.

10:01AM:

I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to get my snack.

10:02AM:

I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the floor. I run up to her and swat her on top of her head for this sneak attack.

10:03AM:

Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate me.

10:04AM:

I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on top of her head.

10:05AM:

I'm still really pissed, so I swat Sammy three more times on top of her head.

10:06AM:

Sammy finally gets smart and runs under the bed to hide from me.

10:10AM:

I finish my snack and head back to the bed for some much-needed sleep.

10:11AM:

I feel something grab me on my hind leg and start biting me. I turn around to find Sammy attached to my leg. I give my leg a shake and fling her off of me.

10:12AM:

I walk over to Sammy and swat her on top of her head twice for the affront.

10:13AM:

Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate me.

10:14AM:

I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy three more times on top of her head.

10:15AM:

I finally reach the bed and snuggle down to catch up on my lost sleep (a person could get seriously sleep-deprived in this house now that the monster has come to live with us!).

10:30AM:

I am awakened by a loud smacking noise. I look over to see Sammy sucking on her tail again. What a disgusting little brat!

10:31AM:

I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her stop.

10:32AM:

I go back to sleep.

12:00PM:

I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh.

Afternoons are much worse – that's when Sammy gets frisky.

And so it goes, day after day, week after week, constant torment and pain do I suffer. Please send me purrs to help end this misery!

Yours,
Bandit
Owner of Mommy

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