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Cast of characters:
Mommy comes home from work and takes off her make-up (read Putting on Make-up with Mommy for an idea of how this goes), and changes into her work-out clothes (read Putting on Clothes With Mommy for an idea of how this goes). Mommy proceeds to the sitting room accompanied by Sammy.
Mommy sits down on her exer-cycle and begins pedaling and pushing the handlebars back and forth in a quite fascinating manner. Sammy studies the situation for a few moments trying to fathom what it is Mommy is doing. All four of mommy's legs are furiously moving back and forth, but Mommy is not getting anywhere. Ah-ha! This must be a new game that Mommy has invented for Sammy. Sammy's butt starts to twitch with excitement.
Mommy is watching a sitcom rerun on television to try to distract herself from the boredom of exercise when suddenly she feels a sharp, but familiar, pain on her right ankle. Mommy looks down to find that Sammy has attached herself to Mommy's ankle and is in the process of going round and round in circles as Mommy pedals her exer-cycle. Not wanting to bang Sammy's head against the side of the exer-cycle (well, OK, maybe secretly wanting to), Mommy sticks her leg straight out to the side and tries to gently shake Sammy off of her leg while continuing to pedal with her other leg and both arms (the exer-cycle is on a timer and Mommy does not want to cheat). Sammy, however, is wise to this tactic and clutches Mommy's ankle even tighter, refusing to be shaken loose.
Mommy then leans over to try to pry Sammy loose from her ankle with one hand. However, Mommy overbalances just a bit, Mommy's posterior slips on the seat, and both Mommy and Sammy end up sprawled on the sitting room floor. Mommy detaches Sammy from her ankle, glances at the timer on the exer-cycle, and decides that her sweat socks will soak up the blood on her ankle well enough without her having to take time out to go for a tissue.
Mommy hops back up to the exer-cycle to continue her exercises. Sammy, meanwhile, hops up to the couch that is next to the exer-cycle and walks across the back of the couch until she is standing shoulder-high to Mommy. Mommy eyes Sammy nervously, sees Sammy's butt start to twitch, and prepares herself for whatever Sammy decides to throw at her. Sammy decides to throw her entire body at Mommy. Mommy, now wise to Sammy's tactics, and alerted by the butt twitching, moves her body aside at the last minute and watches Sammy sail through the air in front of her face to land head-first with a smack against the side of the stairs. Mommy feels sorry for Sammy, gets off the exer-cycle to pick Sammy up and kiss her boo-boo. Sammy bites Mommy's nose during the kiss causing Mommy to say bad words. Sammy chuckles to herself in revenge.
Mommy puts Sammy down while gently admonishing her to be more careful, Sammy totally ignores Mommy's warning. Mommy gets back on her exer-cycle, trying to figure out how much time has been wasted by dealing with Sammy, and resets the timer. Sammy, meanwhile, has gotten back on the couch and is in strike position when Mommy once again resumes pedaling. Mommy eyes Sammy nervously, sees Sammy's butt start to twitch, and prepares herself for whatever Sammy decides to throw at her. Sammy decides to throw her entire body at Mommy. Mommy, now wise to Sammy's tactics, and alerted by the butt twitching, moves her body aside at the last minute. However, Sammy, now wise to Mommy's tactics, and alerted by the slight movement of Mommy's upper body, corrects her leap and lands squarely on the side of Mommy's neck.
The shock and pain of a 6 pound kitten attached to the side of her neck causes Mommy to jerk to the side which causes her posterior to slip on the seat, which causes both Mommy and Sammy to end up sprawled on the sitting room floor. Mommy just lies there for a moment saying very bad words. Then Mommy detaches Sammy from the side of her neck, decides that the sweatshirt will soak up the blood on her neck well enough without her having to take time out to go for a tissue.
Mommy gets back on the exer-cycle to resume her pedaling. Sammy, meanwhile, is distracted by the feathers in the hat of Mommy's 4-foot tall Victorian doll. Mommy yells at Sammy to stay away from the doll, but Sammy listens to Mommy about as well as she always does. Doll and Sammy go crashing to the sitting room floor. Mommy sighs, gets off the exer-cycle, and rights the doll. Mommy has no idea how much time was really spent pedaling and not dealing with Sammy, but decides she's had enough of the exer-cycle and proceeds to her treadmill.
Mommy sets the speed on the treadmill and starts off at a brisk walk. Sammy wanders over to the treadmill, sees Mommy walking quickly and is a bit confused. Usually when Mommy is walking so briskly, she is trying to get away from Sammy. Sammy does not like it when Mommy tries to walk away from her. Sammy tries to prevent Mommy from walking away from her by leaping to attach herself to Mommy's left ankle. Mommy tries to continue walking (the treadmill is on a timer and Mommy does not want to cheat), but finds this difficult to do with a 6 pound kitten attached to her ankle.
Mommy, not wanting to bang Sammy around on the treadmill, starts hopping on her right foot (trying to keep time with the speed of the treadmill so she doesn't slip and break her neck) and sticks her left foot out to the side while trying to gently shake Sammy loose. Sammy, however, is wise to this tactic and clutches Mommy's ankle even tighter, refusing to be shaken loose. One of Mommy's hops is mistimed, Mommy's right foot lands wrong on the moving tread, and Mommy is propelled backwards by the treadmill to land sprawling on the sitting room floor with Sammy still attached to her ankle.
Mommy detaches Sammy from her ankle, glances at the timer on the treadmill, and decides that her sweat socks will soak up the blood on her ankle well enough without her having to take time out to go for a tissue.
Mommy gets back on her treadmill, trying to figure out how much time has been wasted by dealing with Sammy, and resets the timer. Sammy wanders over to the treadmill and again sees Mommy walking quickly but, puzzlingly, not going anywhere. Sammy studies this action for a moment and her butt starts twitching. Mommy, watching Sammy from the corner of her eye sees said butt twitching and prepares herself for whatever Sammy is going to throw at her. Sammy decides to throw her entire body at Mommy.
Mommy, for once, has judged Sammy's timing correctly and jumps to the unmoving side of the treadmill to land on her left foot while lifting her right foot out of harm's way. Sammy lands on the treadmill with a small "oof", is very startled to find that the ground is moving under her, so she sprawls flat, spread-eagled, on the moving tread. Mommy glances down in time to see the sprawled kitten propelled backwards to fly off the end of the treadmill to land in a heap on the sitting room floor.
Before Mommy can get off the treadmill to see to Sammy's boo-boo, Sammy leaps up, delighted with this new toy, and jumps back onto the moving tread only to be propelled backwards again and shoot off the end of the treadmill to land in a heap on the sitting room floor. Mommy wisely see were this is leading, so she picks Sammy up, puts her in the bedroom and closes the bedroom door.
Mommy continues her time on the treadmill accompanied by Sammy's howls of discontent at being locked out of a room which contains her Mommy. DH is not at home, so Mommy does not have to hear him bit*h about Sammy disturbing the neighbors, which is some consolation for putting up with the caterwauling while she exercises.
Mommy finally finishes with the treadmill exercises and pardons Sammy from her imprisonment. Sammy gives Mommy a very dirty look for the indignity she has suffered at Mommy's hand. Mommy lies down on her back, knees bent, and tucks her toes under the coffee table in preparation for doing her sit-ups. Sammy promptly throws herself on top of Mommy's face. Mommy removes Sammy from her face, spitting out kitten tummy hairs and sneezing, tucks her hands behind her head and does her first sit-up. As she is coming down from her first sit-up, Mommy feels a soft little body under her back and can't fully relax. Mommy's tummy muscles are not the strongest in the world, and holding a partial sit-up is not the most pleasant of experiences, so Mommy threatens to squash Sammy if Sammy doesn't immediately move her furry little body.
Sammy jumps back out of the way and Mommy lies back down with a big "oof". Mommy takes a moment to breathe and then starts her second sit-up. Sammy decides to jump on the back of Mommy's head and take a ride. The extra weight on the back of Mommy's head causes Mommy feet to exert more pressure on the bottom of the coffee table and the coffee table tips over to spill its contents on the sitting room floor. At the same time, Mommy's feet have shot into the air, her upper body is over-balanced, and she and Sammy go sprawling backwards to land with a thump on the sitting room floor.
Mommy decides that righting the coffee table, picking up and replacing its contents, and restraining herself from killing Sammy should complete her exercises for the day. Mommy removes her bloody sweats and heads for the hot tub knowing with relief that this is the one place Sammy will not accompany her.
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