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Okay, one day Meowmmy Dearest (MD) decided that I was such an unstimulated, bored, little indoor kitty that she was going to do something about it. She sets up this stupid little bench under the window in the office so that I could see outside better, like I cared if I could see better. I decided to humor her and tried it out, eh, not too bad okay I'll lay here once in awhile. So, now that I can see out the window what the hell I am suppose to be looking at? A tree. Wow, thanks mom. Oh, I see now, MD is out there hanging some plastic tubes in the tree and it looks like they are filled with little rat turds. She comes back inside and starts babbling about all the nifty creatures that those rat turds were going to attract and I was going to have so much eye candy I was going to be in heaven. Blah, blah. Eye candy??? Excuse me can I just have, uh, another tuna Pounce please?
The next morning at dawn I hopped off the bed and went to hang out on the stupid bench and when I looked out the window I saw.................birds. Big deal. Oh joy, does she want me to "ack" at them and swish my fluffy tail to and fro, would that just be the cutest? Ugh. Well when MD woke up she came over to the window and started cooing, "What do you think? Those are your birds Dusty. All yours. Pretty nifty huh?" Yeah. I stood up turned around and laid back down with my back to the window. Birds. Puh-leeeze.
As the months have gone by I noticed that MD is paying more attention to those stinky birds then she is to me. She looks at them through these big black glasses and has a little book with pictures of lots of retched birds in it. So now when she comes to sit on the stupid bench it isn't to scritch me, or baby talk me it's to look at the "cute" finches and the "beautiful" flycatchers. I try to get her attention, I roll and scooch around mewing cutely, "Hey, I'm right here, look over here, mew mew mew, don't need those goofy glasses to see me. Hey look at me, I'm a Quail. Helloooooooo." She just ignores me.
It gets worse. The past few weeks MD has been paying loads of attention to me, seeking me out so she can give me a good, slow, long brushing. Now this is heaven, feels like MD has finally come to her senses and has resumed her cat slave status. She is brushing me everyday, I purrrrrrr she brushes and tells me I am her, "itty bitty preshy fuzzbuzz." Awwwww! Well, ready for this? Do you know what she has been doing with my fur? MY beautiful fur! She is...........wait...........she is putting it outside in a little basket so that the crappy birds can make nests WITH IT!!! This is way humiliating, I feel so used. Am I wrong? This is the worst right? She has to choose..... RIGHT NOW! Oh Meowmmy (remember I will crap on your pillow if you pick wrong) Dearest, me.....or the evil, bubonic plague carrying birds. Who's it gonna be?
The Dust
Editor's note:
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