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Petaholics Anonymous

by Britta Wilson, Vancouver, BC, Canada



My name is Vino and I am a petaholic.

I cannot go for more than a few hours without being petted by my humans. I resort to indignities in order to get petted. These include throwing myself on the floor at my humans' feet and exposing my belly, meowing pathetically while using their socks as a scratching post and rubbing my head and body against their lower legs until one of them pets me. The act that I am most ashamed of doing in order to get petted is crawling under my humans' hands while they are sleeping.

I find that if no satisfaction is forthcoming, I tend to get angry. I end up retaliating by knocking my female human's hairbrush into the toilet, attacking their feet at 4 am, and crunching noisily on their favorite plant in the bedroom in the middle of the night.

The worst time for me is during the day when they are both at work. By the time they get home, I am usually in quite a frenzy.

What started out so harmlessly with just a few strokes on the back, led to much harder stuff. I now require headbutts, scritches behind the ears, and slow strokes under my chin, as well as belly rubs with my humans' face and now [gulp] it has progressed to shoulder rides! Where will it end? Am I destined to become a quivering mass of fur, surviving solely for the satisfaction of being petted?

Am I destined to become a.......... lap cat?

My name is Vino. I am a petaholic and I need your support.


Editor's note:

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